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Thursday, June 22, 2017

Where Have I Been?



I guess you could say I've been everywhere and nowhere. Some days it feels like I've lived a thousand lives this year and other days it feels like I haven't changed at all. A lot's happened since I last wrote on here. I don't work for Etan anymore. I actually got another job and then quit that one too. Well, I'm a professional photographer now, or at least that's what my job title is meant to be. I have a lot more good days now than I do bad, but everything feels more serious and real and that part's scary. 
I got a few tattoos. Strange. Shay and I are still together. This month it was two years; two years since I met the bearded guy in the coffee shop at the mid stop between our existences. Now he's the guy walking around our bedroom, asking me what I'm up to as I'm typing away on the laptop. That feels like a smile, I think that's a pretty way of describing something so pure, like the way your lips feel when they're forming into a smile, that's how he makes me feel. 
I met a lot of people. I feel as though that's significant because everyone used to be significant since everyone was so few. Now there's people in my life I forget details about and that always kinda tastes a bit strange. I still think a lot. Think about Dilshika and our friendship, think about Sparcky and the way it's hard to close my eyes sometimes because I'm afraid to see him in my dreams, think about Etan and his family and how I considered them mine and think about my family and how the abnormalities of our conversations aren't abnormal anymore, they're just the norm. 
We got two cats and moved into my place. We're hunting for a bigger space which is surreal and hard to wrap my head around sometimes. Home was something I didn't trust and then I found home in a person and now there's a promise for a new wall that's going to contain both of our things and that feels happy. I got a new car. God, it feels like a lot. It's a prius. Shay saved me like he did today when we saw a snake. 
I quit my other new job on Tuesday and now I'm self-employed which is terrifying because there's days I wake up scared to leave the house. I'm vegan, that's weird but different and new. 
Things changed but I'm ok. I like writing it down, it makes things easier and maybe this is what I needed and miss. 
Stay. 
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