It constantly baffles me how much can change in such a short period of time. These past four years have been so emotionally draining and so full of change and growth that it's hard to just sit down and think about it all. I make a point of being busy all the time because when I do have those moments of recollection I tend to lose my present self to all my memories. I don't have many people in my life but those that have been around for quite some time know I'm not the easiest person to handle. I have my good days where I'm so thankful for being able to be myself and appreciate where I am today and how far I've come. I also have my bad days where I get lost in the pool of memories that remind me how hard life can be sometimes. I have loved a lot in the last four years. I fell in love with the countryside, I fell in love with independence and with phone calls with my mother. I fell in love with the comfort of a coffee shop and two little boys who were my world. I fell in love with my first car and with nights of music. I fell in love with a career and with myself for being someone I want to see when I look in the mirror.
I've also spent a lot of time falling. Not falling in love but falling down; scraping my knees, losing pieces of my old self and not always putting everything back together again. A big chapter of my life seems to be finally rewriting itself with a happy ending. It's always about the happy ending. Everyone wants one and we all do what we have to to achieve that ending. I've found that everything we have to go through and everyone we have to meet and experience to be able to finish those chapters often leave the endings bittersweet. There's a feeling of calm, calm serenity that something so hard is finally becoming more manageable. However, there's those mornings, those lazy Sunday mornings where all you have is thought and you realise how much you've lost along the way. That happy ending you pictured four years ago is finally being written but all the characters aren't the same.
Plot twists and rewritten chapters, everything has an ending it's just some of them aren't so easy to write.