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Thursday, October 3, 2013

Elements

Today was actually a refreshingly good day. I woke up in a rather good mood and found time to skype with my best friend as I was getting ready for Uni. Dilshika just got an offer for a new job and she's had to quit her job at Vans and move on to bigger and better things. I guess when you think about it though, that part of growing up is pretty scary. There's going to be a time where working in a coffee shop or as a sales representative isn't going to be enough anymore and we'll have to all apply to actual offices or buildings or companies that will be housing us for perhaps the rest of our working life and making that decision is terrifying and weird and intriguing but really really terrifying. I guess that's what college is about though, it's this process of becoming more and more aware that we are heading down a certain path in life and it's that final pull that's giving us the opportunity to back out now or just keep cruising into the working class. It's weird to think that we're getting closer and closer to that age of settling down and building. Building a future, a home for ourselves or a family, a career, a backup plan, building and constructing the tiny fragments of our ever present future that will officially be our story. This is the rough draft and it's a glimpse into the epilogue of old age where we think back and either have laugh lines of adventures or wrinkles of what ifs.

I found myself pondering all these life changes as I made my way to class today and found myself to be in quite a good mood. Good is such a vague word, it was more a confident accelerated jolt of readiness to learn. Yah, yah that sounds much more appropriate. I found my spot in class in the corner by myself again and set up my laptop with a determined mind set. I had printed off the basis of the lecture notes last night and felt like I finally had a shot in keeping up with the material. As the professor spoke, I was understanding the basis and then was also able to add on his bits and pieces that tied the entire chunk of knowledge up with a pretty little bow. I think the best part of class was when the people who happened to take seats behind me asked about the study material and were completely flabbergasted that there were methods of being ahead of the class curriculum. There were two girls and a guy who sat behind me and I had overheard them talking about how overwhelming it is not being able to keep up. The guy then asked me what the papers I had printed out were and I explained to them that there's links and sections on the internet where they can get help to be ahead. It was so nice to see people looking at me as an equal and actually appreciating what I had to say. It's been over a year since I've really felt intelligent. Living in a foreign country where the native language is not your own can be incredibly difficult and also demeaning at times. I was the nerdy chick in high school who always had all the answers and tutored loads of kids and helped my little brother with homework. People always came to me for help with academic or intellectual questions and it's really hurt my feelings that for the last year I've been ridiculed because I hadn't learned how to properly express myself in German. After I explained to the three kids behind me where to find everything I heard them talking about how they found me really smart and it felt so amazing to have someone think that again after such a long time. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm not unintelligent but with a first glance no one knows my story and knows exactly what I've been through or what I know so it's easy for them to assume I'm not bright because my language skills in this country are average. I like that I'm finally building the confidence and knowledge to be on top again; be the nerdy smart chick with maybe not all the answers but at least some. 


After class ended I felt really proud of myself for coming so far in life and making it to Uni and achieving something, I think I've been riding the wave of happiness all day because I've just felt utterly content. I found time to workout today and have spent my night studying and going over notes for class tomorrow. The rest of the day was really uneventful and simple. I found time to relax and play with Sparck, have a nice chat with my mom and even get a nap in. It's been a bit overwhelming this week with the schedule change and it was nice to have most of the day to myself. Tomorrow is going to be a bit more hectic but I'm going to try to stay positive. It seems as though things might finally be working out. This University thing might actually end up working out, after all . 
Till next time, 
Stefanie 

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