Coffee Break

Lately I feel like my life is surrounded by my need for coffee and my overall lack of sleep. To say I've been busy would honestly be an understatement. I started my new job this past week and juggling it with a some what social life and University plus the tutoring job I've recently also acquired has simply been chaotic. I have really been missing my other job at the coffee shop this week and honestly dying for a good cup of coffee, the stuff you make at home is just never the same. I have work next week though so it'll be nice to be back in my familiar abyss. 

This past week has had quite a few ups and downs. I ended up making a really good friend who shares a lot of my classes named Julia and she's turning out to be an overall swell human being. I really enjoy the fact that she is studious and cares about University because I truly believe that if you surround yourself with people who have plans and goals, you too will strive to be more successful. Back in California I was always surrounded by nerdy folk trying to get into Harvard and Yale; most of them did too and they kept me centred and motivated to do as well in my studies as possible. Here, it's really easy to slack off or miss classes but having someone to go with every time makes it more likely that I'll actually show up to classes and maybe even learn something. I'm still not vibing with most of my professors, or at least the German ones which is really a pity because I would really like to feel enriched and enlightened every time I walk into a class. I feel that way with all my English classes though, I even have the opportunity now to take a law course in English and it's pretty close to being my favourite class at the moment. 

The lows of this week though mostly consist of being really tired, not getting time to work out, and my new job. I have been feeling really crummy lately because I haven't been taking the time to work out anymore and after finishing Insanity Round 1 it feels unusual to not sweat and die of exhaustion everyday. I have to admit I've been a little lazy but with my schedule, who wouldn't be? I'm just making stupid excuses though and that's why I called in my support team to start Insanity Round 2 with me tomorrow. My mom and Jack are both going to be doing it with me this time which is kind of amazing since they're the two people in my life that have the most impact on me. I feel a lot better getting back into the swing of a work out and wanting to feel healthy and fit again. My eating itself hasn't been as monitored lately and that's also been bothering me, especially since every time I do decide to eat something unhealthy it never tastes good and always makes me regret having had anything in the first place. I feel really happy though to be getting back on track tomorrow and working in a schedule to work more on my body. I've come so far, giving up on it now would simply be a waste. 

I have however been getting quite a work out from my new job lately. It's basically a hectic alcoholic beer guzzling atmosphere where everything is fast paced and I just feel like everything has been going wrong lately. I guess it's just the difficulty of stepping out of your comfort zone and starting something new you're just not good at. That's basically the definition of a new job and I'm definitely feeling the down side of not knowing my way around a bar. I don't actually drink alcohol so finding my way around a bar is rather difficult. Plus we have to wear these completely ridiculous Austrian traditional dresses that seem simply silly to be wearing around so many spilled drinks and food. I like to find my comfort zone in the drinks though but any time someone sends me out to help carry the food or drinks to a table my nerves and anxiety kick in and most times things end horribly. Today I managed to spill a whole tray of drinks, including grape juice all over this table where most people were wearing white. They basically hate me even though I apologised nearly a hundred times. I don't really know how I feel about this job, I know it's only just the beginning and I'm just started out and things are bound to go wrong but it's been making me so unhappy and I hate that. I swore to myself that I'd never take on another job that makes me unhappy and I'm worried that's exactly what I'm doing. And it's all for what? Money? Money is silly green paper that I don't even believe matters yet, I still strive to make more and care about how much I am. The society is run around this paper trail and we're all just trying to find the right path. 

I also recently got my old tutoring job back with the little boy that lives next door named Markus and it feels nice working with kids again and doing something I absolutely love, teaching. I think I just need to give everything a little more time and just forget about the bad things that this week has brought and welcome in a new week and a new start which can take me to new places. I really need to just stay positive because there's really nothing else that's important than finding inner happiness. I am dedicated to being happy and content with my life and it's a long rough road but maybe I'll get back there one day. 

Wishing everyone a positive start to a new Week,

Stefanie