Ziggy

This morning we woke up and Ziggy, our baby boy had passed away. 

It's been a hard day. A long day. 

I remember taking a longer time to come out of bed. 

I remember seeing Shay in the doorway of our room and I remember that spot on the floor where he lay. I remember not believing the truth and I remember crying. I had left him in the same spot the night before and he had eyes and breathes and he had life. 

We were rushed. We had work, we couldn't leave him and it was so sad. I remember picking up his legs and he was so stiff. Stiff and different and not himself and cold; empty; hard; sad. I'll never forget how he felt in that moment. How I felt, how we felt, how the world now felt.  

I remember being alone with him when Shay went to work.

I drove us in the night to the hospital to say goodbye. Do you know what to do when a pet dies? I remember making a phone call. I remember saying sorry for every bump or harsh turn.

I feel sick and sad and hopeless and different. 

He's the first 'someone' I've ever had pass. 

There's a white candle lit in our living room and there's two cats where there should be three.

The house feels empty and everything feels different.

Ziggy.