So We Didn't Get Accepted.

Yesterday and the rest of this weekend were hard. I have to admit I'm probably the absolute worst person at waiting for a reply to something. It felt like I couldn't focus on anything all day yesterday and I was stuck refreshing my email every few minutes desperately. 

At around nine p.m. last night, I finally got an email telling us the condo we applied for went with someone else. The second condo we applied for is off the market now and never replied back so it's a fair assumption to say we weren't accepted there either. 

It's stressful, this whole search and it sucks because you can't really get too attached to any one place because even if you like a home and can see yourself living in it, the application process takes another few weeks and then in the end you may not even get accepted. I had dreams about that place; coming home and walking inside and feeling at peace. 

Shay was kind. He saw how crazy I get with waiting games and just hugged me a lot yesterday. We're affectionate but some days he'll gently throw in a few more gazes or hand holds or hugs and it feels like he's giving me something I didn't even know I needed.

We had to take Monday off from working because of a doctor's appointment so technically today is the beginning of my week. I'm home alone now with the kittens and the quiet and I'm antsy. I probably won't relax until all of this is sorted again. I have a hard time getting comfy somewhere I know I might not stay so it feels like I'm living one foot in the door lately and one foot out. I love decorating our space and taking care of it too but it's hard to focus on making this place feel like home when we're looking for somewhere new. 

I'm antsy and anxious and can't figure out if I'm sad or just mad so I'm flustered and worried. I'll have a wave of needing to get shit done soon and we'll go back out on the hunt, until then I'll lay here and think about those two places and how we're not going to live in either one.