This weekend was one of the nicest I've had in a long time. I haven't celebrated Halloween for a few years now. Back when I was living in Austria no one dressed up or even acknowledged that October 31st was a holiday. Last year, Dilshika and I stayed in and ate far too much "healthy" chocolates and this year I spent the holiday with Shay. Rather than doing anything spooky or dressing up to go out, we took my car and drove down to long beach to enjoy the day at the Aquarium. I never thought I would have so much fun watching fish swim in a bowl but it was the sweetest most genuine happiness I've felt in a very long time.
After the Aquarium we decided it was simply too nice outside not to go for a walk so we walked alongside the Long Beach harbor and enjoyed the warm weather. I had never really been to Long Beach so just taking in the scenery and having easy conversation on the bay was significantly delightful. I love that Shay sees what I see sometimes. He can be mesmerized by a sunset or appreciate the blue waves, the simple things matter to him and that's so rare to find.
As we were walking we were suddenly approached by this group of Monks. Monks in Long Beach? How incredibly strange so Shay told me to quickly take a picture and in between too many laughs I captured the random sight. We kept talking about how strange it was to find Monks out for a stroll alongside the beach and noted it would be a memory we'd share for ages. It wasn't until a good while later that we finally realized it was Halloween after all. Did we really see Monks or just a group of bald little men who really pulled off a great costume? Either way, it was absolutely hilarious and we laughed about it still the next day.
We walked all the way from the Aquarium to the Queen Mary and the day was just beautiful. The drive home we saw the sunset and the sky was orange in the night, it was fall and we weren't in summer anymore. That night we made quesadillas and stayed in. We cooked together and watched a film and went to bed early. October came and went with the night. Yesterday was Sunday and the first day I met Shay's niece and nephew. Shay is great with kids. It's rare to find a guy who can love someone so much but the way he talks and looks at those two little babies, it's beautiful. He let me meet little Shayne and with his big bright eyes and chatty demeanor we played and laughed together. He called me cricket and wore a cowboy hat with his guitar. I also met Rory who is still only one and a stubborn little one, she has the same interested eyes and is too cute to say no to. She watches and listens and leaves a mess for Shayne to clean up. It was a big thing for him to let me meet those babies. It meant a lot and it really was special. I even ended up introducing myself to his brother which was overwhelming but kind.
Later that night I stopped and thought about the day. I wasn't just learning to care about this man but I was also falling for his life. I was beginning to care about his mom's laughter and the way Rob told me hello. I could see myself loving Shayne and Rory with the same eyes and missing them if they go. We laid in the dark and Shay told me stories about his childhood. I love when he tells me little things. My favorite part of the day was when we spoke about Thanksgiving. I'd never had a person to share holidays with. Friends and family, surely, of course but never anyone who meant more. Shay told me he was thankful for me and that he wanted to spend Thanksgiving together. I can still hear the words in my head. It was so significant and scared me a lot because the truth was that I'm thankful for him too, everyday I sit there thankful for meeting someone like him. I ended the night fighting away my negative thoughts. It's hard for me sometimes to accept the present. The more something matters, the more I think about it going away. It's my greatest flaw to not allow happiness to stay but rush it away with fear of losing it one day. He's patient and kind and I hope I can do him justice by staying; letting myself accept that today isn't forever and being ok with just that. Knowing that it'll hurt when he's gone but reminding myself that doesn't have to happen soon or tomorrow.
I run from attachments but the truth is, I'm hooked. It'll hurt tomorrow and it'd hurt today. Either way he'll always be the boy that wanted to be remembered and I will remember him for the rest of my days.