I miss my blog. I miss writing about my happy adventures and putting up photos that just had a purpose to me. Honestly, I've been a little stressed. I'm at a hardcore crossroads in my life where I've found something I am absolutely passionate about and love doing but I simply don't have the time or energy to do it all the time. Photography is amazing. It's freeing, it's wonderful and it makes me happy. It always has. But lately I've been so stressed about getting the right shot that I've forgotten the joy in just using my camera. I got an expensive camera and I bought a website and I've had little to no time to actually work on the website or use my camera just for fun.
I was determined to move away from this blog and brand myself and all that nonsense but I've forgotten how important this page is for me. It's been my diary for over two years and I'm always going to be casually awkward. It matters to me. So I’ve decided to slow back down and come back to find myself again. I want to give my all to everything I care about and right now I can’t do that for all my things so for the time being I’ll recollect and start back up when I’m ready.
On that note, a little life update is that I've been spending basically six out of seven nights a week at Shay's house. I'm infatuated with this human being who feels like my missing piece. He and I have been through quite a lot and it's almost been five months since we first met at that Starbucks on Victory. I've been kind of floating though. Floating from work to him to the gym to a place to sleep. I have barely been home these days. I try to avoid seeing everyone as much as possible and the guilt of not being with Sparcky eats away at me most nights. I just want him happy without me because I don’t think I can be what he needs anymore. Dilshika and I are texting friends and our schedules are so off that it’s really hard to see her most days. I met someone inspiring. I have a role model that I can honestly say is one of the most incredible women I’ve met in a long time. Valorie Darling is a photographer who is strong, independent and amazing at what she does. I’ve been interning for her and can honestly say she’s become a great friend. Every time I work with her I feel so inspired and I learn so much that it’s almost too much. I don’t know what I did to deserve a person like her in my life but I’m forever thankful. I’ve been living life and I want to share it again.
I’m trying to wrap up so much in one post that it probably just sounds like mumbo jumbo, at this point. Basically the point of this is to say I’m back. I’m back to blogging and retelling my story on this little webpage. I missed sharing myself with these corners. So let me begin again with something small.
It’s October and I carved a pumpkin. I used to sit around when I was younger wishing for someone to experience life with. Shay and I do little things. We carve pumpkins and drive to breakfast spots at 6 am. I don’t think he even realizes how much everything means to me but it’s a lot and he’s eternal. He’s the kind of guy people write love stories about. On Sunday we carved pumpkins and sat in his backyard and laughed. I’d never carved a pumpkin before and he let me photograph the little acts while he cut the top off his too short. We fed his dogs pumpkin bits and collected the seeds to eat later. It was simple and the sun was setting and when we lit the candles in our Jack-O-Lanterns everything was smiles. His was Jacko and mine was Ernie and they were a memory I’ll cherish for life. We used his moms candles she makes and she and Rob commented on the simple things. I care about them and him and he feels like home.
It was Sunday and there were Pumpkins and Palm Trees.