My days lately are just sinking into one another. Each day is full of adventure and smiles and laughter, work and friendship, and falling. I'm honestly so tired I can't remember which times are dreams and which are reality. It was Sunday and we didn't fight. We took a drive and got lost watching the most beautiful mountains turn into roads. Whenever Shay and I do something, we never plan it, it's always just spontaneous drives where we spend time getting lost in music and the views and each other. It's been almost two months. I've known him for almost two months now and every day we're still learning and adventuring and growing.
Yesterday we tried to be normal. We drove to the Getty and watched art seen through other people's eyes. It wasn't like our usual finds. We often go places where you see things you can't ever see twice. We watch blue moons and sunsets. It was planned and we left early. We tried to be normal and went to lunch. I spilled water and there wasn't sound. It was food that was priced and seats that were forced. We tried to be normal and we drove to a planned scene. It was lost and tense; the beach, the people, the sea we didn't want to see. Then we took a random turn and found beauty. We found winding roads and setting suns, we heard music and he played with photos I wasn't able to take. We stopped and laughed and traveled through tunnels. It was real. It wasn't normal but we're not normal.
I'm not as scared anymore but when I stop and think about everything, I don't want to go back to watching those sunsets alone. I like knowing that he's seeing them too, experiencing, living, breathing with me. We're not together but we're not often apart. It just feels natural and easy. I haven't had easy for a while and it's nice. It's nice finding someone who fits so well. Sometimes when I let myself really see him, really look at him and think, I see myself knowing him tomorrow. And Today. And Yesterday.
I want to know him and knowing that is terrifying.