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2.26.2015

Turning Twenty

It was my birthday this Tuesday and I've officially turned twenty years old. I can't quite put into words everything that went through my mind in that 24 hour range but I can admit to having a small crisis where I found that I just hit this important age and I wasn't living life the best way I knew I could be. This year so far has been very challenging and has really brought on quite a few obstacles that thus far have prevented me from allowing myself to be happy and that's just pity and ridiculous. I'm twenty years old and I let silly things hold me back everyday and that's just not something I want to do anymore. 

I want to be happy. I want to write about things that don't need an explanation. I want to feel like I have a purpose and that I'm doing something positive with my existence. I want to stop allowing titles such as 'family' limit my definition of affection and compassion. I want to thrive to be independent but allow myself to have amazing people in my life whom I can experience with. I want to travel even in my own city and I want to go to restaurants and eat good food that is good for me. I want to drink a ton of coffee. I want to laugh at least once a day, a whole hearted full gutted laugh. I want to cry when I need to cry because holding it in just fucking sucks. I want to be taken seriously because I'm an adult and I've worked hard to be where I am today. I want this year and so many more to matter and to have memories full of spontaneous joy that doesn't require anything else but a full heart and an open mind. I want to live my twenties as best as I can without having to be like anyone or everyone else. I don't want to have another birthday spent mourning a person I used to be and a title I used to call myself. I am someone's daughter, someone's sister, someone's niece by blood but I am someone's best friend, lover, colleague and so much more by choice and those people choose to be in my life and choose to accept everything that I am and there is nothing more that I could ask for than to be loved. Love is all encompassing and sometimes the mold we have set for our lives becomes a bit distorted but there's always a choice to change. It's time for me to make that choice. 
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15 comments:

  1. Don't let anything hold you back. Change 'I want' to 'I will' and be proactive! Remember you're still young so don't get too serious about things =) And happy belated birthday!

    xx Kat @ Katness

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  2. Welcome in the club! I feel the same way. I turned 20 a month ago and realised my life is not what I imagined it to be, and if I don't make a change now, I never will. I hope we'll both make it happen :)

    xx, Marta / martberry.blogspot.com

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  3. I know how you feel so well. When I turned 21 in October, it's like everything changed! I think it was the thought of officially being an adult everywhere in the world, because up until that birthday, I was still a "child" somewhere at least. But now I'm just old haha! It felt so weird!


    Sofie x
    itsjustsofie.com

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  4. This is such a well written post, well done! Happy belated birthday, I hope you had a good day! I hated turning 20, not being in my teens anymore just made me feel so much older! xxx

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  5. Congrats! Welcome to the twenties-club!

    Would you like to write a guest post for my inspirational Wednesday-segment called #NoteToSelf?

    All the info is in this post: http://charlinehasablog.blogspot.com/2015/02/notetoself-call-for-guest-posts.html

    Love, Charline xx

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  6. Happy Birthday! Have a wonderful time being 20, a year can go by so fast so make the most of it ♥
    Amy xx

    Perfect Imperfections

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  7. Happy belated birthday! Hope you had a good day, I'm 20 this year and it scares me! I can relate to everything you've written there but you're on the right track, don't let anything stop you from being happy!

    Josie

    josievictoriaa.blogspot.co.uk

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  8. Happy Birthday!
    Just because someone is blood, it doesn't give them any kind of right to be in your life, not really.
    Tegan xx - Permanent Procrastination

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  9. Happy Birthday! I get what you mean about making the most of life and living so many experiences. I want to start doing that more and stop just plodding along. The years are going too quickly and I need to make the most of them. This is such a relateable post and I hope you get to do all of those things to be happy!x

    Amanda / Amanda's Escape

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  10. Happy Birthday! (and many more to come) Love your photo. It's making me so hungry hehe I agree with living like to the fullest - very relate-able as I feel I haven't done much in my 24 years of existence. I would also love to travel the world. Hopefully when my daughters a little bit older.

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  11. Happy birthday! I hope you had a lovely day and that the year will be just as great and even better! And the fact that you WANT to be happy says a lot. I think choosing to be happy plays a major role in actually becoming happy again.

    DAISYPERSON | BEAUTY BLOG
    Twitter
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  12. Happy Birthday :) This is such an inspiring post. Go live your live to the fullest :) xx

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  13. Happy Birthday lovely! You have the power to live your life to its fullest potential! <3 xx

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  14. Hopefully it isn't too late, but happy belated birthday. I am 20 and I currently felt the same way you did when I hit the 20s because life is already getting started and it is time that I become serious what I want to do with my life. I still feel like there is a wild child inside of me though haha :)

    Lee
    Last Night with Lee

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