Turning Twenty

It was my birthday this Tuesday and I've officially turned twenty years old. I can't quite put into words everything that went through my mind in that 24 hour range but I can admit to having a small crisis where I found that I just hit this important age and I wasn't living life the best way I knew I could be. This year so far has been very challenging and has really brought on quite a few obstacles that thus far have prevented me from allowing myself to be happy and that's just pity and ridiculous. I'm twenty years old and I let silly things hold me back everyday and that's just not something I want to do anymore. 

I want to be happy. I want to write about things that don't need an explanation. I want to feel like I have a purpose and that I'm doing something positive with my existence. I want to stop allowing titles such as 'family' limit my definition of affection and compassion. I want to thrive to be independent but allow myself to have amazing people in my life whom I can experience with. I want to travel even in my own city and I want to go to restaurants and eat good food that is good for me. I want to drink a ton of coffee. I want to laugh at least once a day, a whole hearted full gutted laugh. I want to cry when I need to cry because holding it in just fucking sucks. I want to be taken seriously because I'm an adult and I've worked hard to be where I am today. I want this year and so many more to matter and to have memories full of spontaneous joy that doesn't require anything else but a full heart and an open mind. I want to live my twenties as best as I can without having to be like anyone or everyone else. I don't want to have another birthday spent mourning a person I used to be and a title I used to call myself. I am someone's daughter, someone's sister, someone's niece by blood but I am someone's best friend, lover, colleague and so much more by choice and those people choose to be in my life and choose to accept everything that I am and there is nothing more that I could ask for than to be loved. Love is all encompassing and sometimes the mold we have set for our lives becomes a bit distorted but there's always a choice to change. It's time for me to make that choice. 

15 comments

  1. Don't let anything hold you back. Change 'I want' to 'I will' and be proactive! Remember you're still young so don't get too serious about things =) And happy belated birthday!

    xx Kat @ Katness

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  2. Welcome in the club! I feel the same way. I turned 20 a month ago and realised my life is not what I imagined it to be, and if I don't make a change now, I never will. I hope we'll both make it happen :)

    xx, Marta / martberry.blogspot.com

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  3. I know how you feel so well. When I turned 21 in October, it's like everything changed! I think it was the thought of officially being an adult everywhere in the world, because up until that birthday, I was still a "child" somewhere at least. But now I'm just old haha! It felt so weird!


    Sofie x
    itsjustsofie.com

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  4. This is such a well written post, well done! Happy belated birthday, I hope you had a good day! I hated turning 20, not being in my teens anymore just made me feel so much older! xxx

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  5. Congrats! Welcome to the twenties-club!

    Would you like to write a guest post for my inspirational Wednesday-segment called #NoteToSelf?

    All the info is in this post: http://charlinehasablog.blogspot.com/2015/02/notetoself-call-for-guest-posts.html

    Love, Charline xx

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  6. Happy Birthday! Have a wonderful time being 20, a year can go by so fast so make the most of it ♥
    Amy xx

    Perfect Imperfections

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  7. Happy belated birthday! Hope you had a good day, I'm 20 this year and it scares me! I can relate to everything you've written there but you're on the right track, don't let anything stop you from being happy!

    Josie

    josievictoriaa.blogspot.co.uk

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  8. Happy Birthday!
    Just because someone is blood, it doesn't give them any kind of right to be in your life, not really.
    Tegan xx - Permanent Procrastination

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  9. Happy Birthday! I get what you mean about making the most of life and living so many experiences. I want to start doing that more and stop just plodding along. The years are going too quickly and I need to make the most of them. This is such a relateable post and I hope you get to do all of those things to be happy!x

    Amanda / Amanda's Escape

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  10. Happy Birthday! (and many more to come) Love your photo. It's making me so hungry hehe I agree with living like to the fullest - very relate-able as I feel I haven't done much in my 24 years of existence. I would also love to travel the world. Hopefully when my daughters a little bit older.

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  11. Happy birthday! I hope you had a lovely day and that the year will be just as great and even better! And the fact that you WANT to be happy says a lot. I think choosing to be happy plays a major role in actually becoming happy again.

    DAISYPERSON | BEAUTY BLOG
    Twitter
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  12. Happy Birthday :) This is such an inspiring post. Go live your live to the fullest :) xx

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  13. Happy Birthday lovely! You have the power to live your life to its fullest potential! <3 xx

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  14. Hopefully it isn't too late, but happy belated birthday. I am 20 and I currently felt the same way you did when I hit the 20s because life is already getting started and it is time that I become serious what I want to do with my life. I still feel like there is a wild child inside of me though haha :)

    Lee
    Last Night with Lee

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