It was my birthday this Tuesday and I've officially turned twenty years old. I can't quite put into words everything that went through my mind in that 24 hour range but I can admit to having a small crisis where I found that I just hit this important age and I wasn't living life the best way I knew I could be. This year so far has been very challenging and has really brought on quite a few obstacles that thus far have prevented me from allowing myself to be happy and that's just pity and ridiculous. I'm twenty years old and I let silly things hold me back everyday and that's just not something I want to do anymore.
I want to be happy. I want to write about things that don't need an explanation. I want to feel like I have a purpose and that I'm doing something positive with my existence. I want to stop allowing titles such as 'family' limit my definition of affection and compassion. I want to thrive to be independent but allow myself to have amazing people in my life whom I can experience with. I want to travel even in my own city and I want to go to restaurants and eat good food that is good for me. I want to drink a ton of coffee. I want to laugh at least once a day, a whole hearted full gutted laugh. I want to cry when I need to cry because holding it in just fucking sucks. I want to be taken seriously because I'm an adult and I've worked hard to be where I am today. I want this year and so many more to matter and to have memories full of spontaneous joy that doesn't require anything else but a full heart and an open mind. I want to live my twenties as best as I can without having to be like anyone or everyone else. I don't want to have another birthday spent mourning a person I used to be and a title I used to call myself. I am someone's daughter, someone's sister, someone's niece by blood but I am someone's best friend, lover, colleague and so much more by choice and those people choose to be in my life and choose to accept everything that I am and there is nothing more that I could ask for than to be loved. Love is all encompassing and sometimes the mold we have set for our lives becomes a bit distorted but there's always a choice to change. It's time for me to make that choice.