It has been absolutely ages since I've sat down and written to any of you. Blogging was something I used to love doing, it was so nice to have somewhere to go and write out my little thoughts and ideas and document my life for myself and my readers. It was something that carried me through hard times in Austria and moved with me back to California. I met great people through this little chapter of my life and I truly did love having a voice where I could speaking freely and be myself on my own little corner of the internet. 2014 has been one beautiful, all consuming period of personal growth and looking back now I find myself recalling a year where I grew into myself. I grew to become the person I have always known I could be and now can love and cherish with all the depths that I deserve.
I want to start blogging again and to do so I feel as though I want to acknowledge what drove me away and what's happened since and now how I would like to represent myself, being back. I started blogging at a very lonely time of my life where finding a group of people who cared about silly things like makeup and skincare masks was the most refreshing light to my days. It was nice being part of something and watching others present these brilliant ideas and show their stories and knowledge on these self-made sites was enthralling. Gaining readers was so significant and feeling heard was simply captivating. I was captivated with the blogging world and I, like so many, became impatient and wanted all of the benefits without giving up the time. Working in public relations in my past, the social networking scene was something that was easy for me and I slowly found myself working my blog as if it was a job where I needed to gain followers for this brand, my brand. I didn't look at it anymore as something I did for the sheer fun of it and I began only seeing the numbers and not the people behind them. I started living a life outside of my blog, working full time, juggling school and even beauty products and makeup began to upset me. I lost interest and although I've still browsed blogs and read posts, I erased myself from this community.
I wanted to come back and write, write to talk about things I'd found to like or experiences I had but I always questioned if it was worth it; if anyone was really reading my things or if they were just playing the numbers game like I was. It sounds so silly trying to put all this into words but I just didn't want to blog to be like all the other blogs I was constantly comparing myself to. I didn't want my voice to keep sounding like everyone else's. So here I am now, missing this blog, this voice and scared to open up to it again. But I need something that's just mine, I need my corner back that makes me happy and I need to allow myself to make time for this again. I'm sorry it's taken so long and I know a lot has changed; I've changed but I hope we can all find a way to know each other again. So for now, I'd just like to say.
Hi, my name is Stefanie and I am casuallly awkward.