I don't know about any of you but something I constantly need is a bit of change in my life. I can never go too long in a certain place or with a certain hair colour, I basically just crave change every few months. Something I've noticed as well is that I tend to look for change when things in my life are a bit hectic and I'm not exactly in control of things. Currently life is really just stressful and I'll have some really tough days where I don't actually know how to keep going. This past Friday, I finally had the day off after the longest week of work and school and stress and emotions and rather than wanting to relax the day away in bed, I opted to completely change my bedroom. I have to admit usually when I'm on a bit of needing change, I do something drastic like change my hair colour or get a piercing or tattoo so it's a lot better that this time I felt the need to change something that wasn't quite so permanent. It was nice spending the day going through my room here and actually taking the time to make it feel more like home. I have been living here for over a year now and I haven't been able to say I feel as though this room is completely mine. There were still books and things from my grandmother that were spread all throughout the place and it didn't really read as a room where a young girl lives. It took me about half the day to move out the ratty couch, clean up and reorganise but I'm just so satisfied with the results and think that the little hints and touches are so beautiful that I welcome the thought of coming home and going into my little safe haven. That's what a room should be, it should be that one place where you feel comfortable and can allow yourself to completely let go because you are safe; it's shelter and it's light and it's reassurance.
The basic layout is kind of simple, I have a rack for all my clothing which I find makes it look a little more put together and also forces me to hang things back up which is something I'm simply horrible at. The rack used to be in a different corner of my room but I found that this allowed me to have it right next to me mirror so I can see what I'm picking out and it would be out of the way when I'm over by my desk or laying in bed. I also found that the easiest way to make your room feel more homey is by adding the cheapest bit of Christmas lights. These are ones my grandparents already had at home and by hanging them up on the one wall and over my bed my room feels so much more intimate. It's the perfect bit of mood lighting.
I also have a very large bed and before when there was also a couch in my room it was very crammed and I didn't really need all that clatter. Now there's a spot for my shoes and enough shelves to stock me for years. I used a broken mirror as a jewellery rack and the way the jewellery hangs you can't even see that the mirror is broken. Plus I thought it was a little metaphor of how some things are broken and always will be, we don't have to try to fix them but rather accept them for their breaks and take them as they are to make something beautiful. As you can see in the pictures Sparcky is also really enjoying the new layout and surprisingly he loves hanging out on the bed now.
One of the simplest ways to make any room look better in my opinion is by adding candles. I am absolutely obsessed with candles, it's really quite silly to be honest. I like to buy loads of candles and usually never actually burn them because I don't want them to run out. I bought a few from Ikea months back and they're cute little ones that I spread out in every corner of my room. I even found some mason jars that my grandma wasn't using and took the liberty of making them candle holders. I also found it nice to add some flowers to my decor so I went out into the garden and picked one of the last roses we had before winter comes. It just has a nice feel to it.
At this point and time I really enjoy my room the way it is, I always thought one day I was going to redecorate my room and I would have to go out and buy loads of things to make it look nice. What actually happened was quite the opposite, I didn't spend any money but still achieved a comfortable beautiful lay out just by rearranging things and using house hold items. I will probably buy little bits and bops here and there when I see something I like or think could fit in with my room but rather than having to spend loads at once it can be a gradual way of adding on things over time. I really think that if you're like me and you want to redecorate but don't think you have enough money for it, start now and just use things you can find all over the house. Be creative. Go on different websites and take inspiration. I have been wanting to do this for a while so I've been all over tumblr and pintrest and wanelo and all kinds of websites looking at how other people decorate and taking their ways and making them my own. You don't always need money to have something new, you just have to look at something old and use it in a different way.
I really did need change and in some subliminal way, making this room more my own was also a way of burning bridges for me. I have been stuck home sick and fretting about this place for over a year now, the situation hasn't gotten any better or easier and my moping surely hasn't helped ease the pain of missing a life I no longer have. Redecorating this room was a way of acceptance for me, it may not be home but I need to make the best out of the situation I am because home isn't a place to me, it's a memory now. Home is my mom's laughter and my little brother's eye roles, home is where I grew up with loads of animals and where I shed tears over silly boys. Home is where I said good morning to my mom and now regret not always saying goodnight, home is this place in my memories that may still be the same building thousands of miles away but time changes everything, even home. I've been gone for so long that it's hard to think of it as my home, it still feels like it should be my safe haven because it always was, but home went on without me this past year. It changed. My room is now my mom's safe place, my kitchen now has new people cooking in it, my backyard has new flowers and trees that died and were reborn. Home isn't a place to me, it's a memory and it's people. Home is my mom and little brother. Home is wherever I am with them, I'm not home right now. I don't have them here but until I am again I need to feel comfortable and safe somewhere. And one day maybe soon maybe later, I will have a new home, a new room to decorate, I may even make a home for others one day. Home is a memory that can never leave me and rather than missing it constantly, I just need to miss it a lot instead. Things aren't getting any better and I need to face that, but at least now I have somewhere to come back to after long days, shelter.
A shelter from the storm.