12.05.2018

 On Monday we went and bought a Christmas tree. It's funny because the beginning of Shay and my story was so vivid, it feels as though everything happened just yesterday. Our first Christmas in the studio with the ornaments and the decor. It felt like we were beginning. The middle of our story so far was more centered around finding out how to co-exist while growing at the same time. Both of us in the last few years have gone through so much and things like holidays weren't ever important. When we first met I used to think affection had to be shown in certain ways. That thought held me back from enjoying so many special moments and years. 

With time we made it out of the studio. Avalon felt like the in between. The in between was difficult and we didn't really have time to grow a home. Our new place is different, special, particularly curated for us and we are spending more time being together in it and together alone. As I'm sitting here writing this on a rainy Wednesday night, Shay is across the hall working out in our new at home gym. There's something about the simplicity of knowing he's home with me but we're both doing separate things makes me feel more together than I've ever known. 

We bought a tree for this place. There's lights and acorns and it's small and fit for us four. The girls are our family and Zig's passing made us realize that even more. A lot has happened in both of our family lives the past few years. My mom moving away affected me in ways I couldn't have imagined. Lately, Shay's been going through similar things with his own mom. It's difficult and consuming and it's my turn to be strong. 
Yesterday we moved his gym to our home. His corner of the world where he can find peace on his own. I'm not able to give him much but he gives me the world. We're not the same as we were at the beginning of our story but now life feels a bit more like we're the main characters and a new book always begins and ends with us together. Christmas is a few weeks away and then it'll be a new year again. I feel older. I feel more equipped to handle my life and I'm not hesitant or reactive or hopeful for anything different or new because it'll be a new year. I'm happy with my life and I'm changing things daily; progressing, reassessing, enjoying. It's the first year there's no resolutions or changes or worries. I'm in control and I'm happy and I'm ready for a new year. 





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